Whatever anyone thinks about me writing the truth about this, I’ll say once again that I’ve promised to tell the truth here, in this blog. Life is not nearly as simple as labeling. I never heard about the reply so one day I asked — and my friend revealed my sister essentially just sent her links for how I could/should get help from certain resources — like she probably does with the high schoolers she counsels. I don’t even know how to write this without falling apart every couple minutes — so I feel like I’ve been drafting this for a very long time. And I’m accepting and owning that shit twenty-four seven. Maybe it’s not what I want it to be. I’m tired of not being able to ask him any question about. Mac said and held me tighter. I crave interaction. My ex and I had the same sense of humor, and I’d venture he’s the only one who would not judge me for that tasteless joke. Three: Don’t Freak Out Because You Did. And it hurt me. So, in that spirit, tell the people you want to know how you feel — how you feel. Continuing with my morbid posts as of late — I pose to all of you a question. And now I'm in the hospital because of it. I’ve never [intentionally] judged ANYONE who many of you might consider an addict. I called expecting her voicemail. He would die 17 days later. And I can’t control a damn thing she says or does. And I had no intention of EVER sharing this with the recipient because how could this extremely good dude be into me at all?! Did you see the person who shot you?" I would have classified myself as a “tomboy” back in the day. I just really can't believe that he would go this far. No one looks me in the face And I can admit when I’m wrong. The first step says you have to accept and believe you are powerless over your addiction. It makes me so unhappy. There’s no reason to spend time giving a second of my life to someone who treats me that way. No more exchanging my body for conversation. Or do I just have really really really shitty friends. Just say you won’t let go Bed space holders changing by flow I continue to boycott watching the NFL and the NFL itself because of what happened TO Colin Kaepernick. My best friend LK and **new** Sister are aware…I’ve been having more and more problems with my health, and COVID-19 arrived during a time when I was about to see A LOT of different Doctors of Western medicine, the most important one being a Neurologist. I’d let you ask him if you could. Upsides[? THEY’RE IMPORTANT TO ME AND THEY WERE WASTED ON HER.EXACTLY LIKE ALL OF THE TIME I WASTED ON HER. How could you know? PARTICULARLY in school, the progression of my learning about sex went like this: 1. Like he would be my 2.0. I don’t know all their names but they’re always happy to see me I try to tell them how much they mean to me So I must. And maybe that’s ok. And maybe it’s not. I can never give up on someone I love. I’ve lost too many people to ACTUAL death — I just can’t deal with those still alive who decide to act dead to me. Morally? So I don’t… can’t drive (and I DO miss driving my amazing car and experiencing her free spirit). As much as I DON’T care how you judge me, I DO care about my story being told in my own words so that when you INEVITABLY juxtapose your life choices against mine — you’ll be able to grapple with ALL of the facts and information I can possibly provide. I’ve worked for offices upwards of 4 years and if you asked any of my old coworkers to name 5 facts about me — just 5 — I bet they couldn’t. Justcallmecai. Wanting to implode and disappear forever galore. The other reflection I have is the picture I have of him from his funeral. I’m just calling out the one person that I Know for a fact toLd her about anything I’ve written in the past, to think before you speak, and maybe not be a Crap friend. These are the kinds of things I REALLY needed my sister for. We all learned something. (I’m SO writing about said circumstances soon because I want anyone who might happen upon this and who might not get it — to get woke. That’s the endgame with ALL of my writing. Stereotypically, (according to my life experiences only), athletes, who play, like basketball, or baseball, or soccer — pretty much any team sport — in my experience, were always bullying those of us who dared to be comfortable in their differences, and nearly tortured the ones who were just trying to keep their heads down. But I had to share my find because this was just fucking crazy. And then! (For the record, my Mom has advised me that she disagrees with the sentiment I express in that prior sentence.) But. aniya at ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ko. For the most part, no. It’s like air to me, or music. I’m not a harsh critic, so I enjoy so many of them. If one can convince oneself that they’re the one alienating everyone they ever cared about — they can alleviate the pain that comes from the truth: everyone’s just not into whether you live or die. Don’t be a Netflix binge series. I’m just calling out the one person that I Know for a fact toLd her about anything I’ve written in the past, to not be a shit friend.It’s not your place.Leave it alone. I’m tired of my hands not working making it extremely painful to write. . I just don’t believe I deserve to be loved anymore. About to get my hair done by the ONE and ONLY Master so I’m obviously excited out of my fucking mind. We have enabled email notifications—you will now receive an email if you receive a reply to your comment, there is an update to a comment thread you follow or if a user you follow comments. And now, unfortunately for everyone it touches, she is — as well, (her last two living family members excluded) — I think. The house we grew up in — and — that I unfortunately am again living in — had been getting phone calls from her pharmacy. She killed me. Losing my Dad killed me inside. But I’ve accepted that the probability of getting to do the things again that I wanted to do is slim. Dead men tell no tales — and neither do I. I’m dead. Then I guess I’ll never get better if I’m an alcoholic, because I can’t admit I’m powerless while also saying I can control and get over my addiction. But I also feel like there are people all along the spectrum, so in that sense, I feel like I e would be more bisexual or just, you know, open-ended.”. It happens to people committed to each other for fewer years than we were together all the time. Because he/she might be gone for good tomorrow. My heart is breaking. I get that the above is scripted. I keep telling and retelling the following “story” lately because it continues to be relevant and because I think it’s funny. I’m not a Saint After he died…I spiraled into a whole different upgraded level of spiraling. I understand how my Mentor tells me I am seen as STRONG. You know. Literally and quite tragically for me, I realized I was “into” my friend who died September 3, 2019. #academy FML. I do think about him every single day. JUST to throw this out there — if you think you’re uncomfortable — imagine what it could be like caged into those thoughts, with them, forever. I’m just as bad as they are. If the people who started the movement want to tell me I’m wrong about INCLUSIVITY, I’m all ears. And, with my Mom’s support and help I am doing things. "I'm so sorry..." Mac said. When I’m Alone. mahina kong sabi, kahit gusto ko lakasan ay parang nanghihina pa ako. It’s also safe to say that a LOT of TRUTH was dumped on me around this time. Or even tried to tell you She doesn’t live here anymore but still has annoying places calling the house phone constantly asking for her. You’re amazing. ♥️✌✌✌✌✌, Watch “2Pac – Changes (Official Music Video) ft. Talent” on YouTube, Editor’s Note: This came to me out of nowhere tonight. Up in that good ole mind’s eye? Bad For You 650K Reads 32.8K Votes 44 Part Story. Wanting to step outside of my body galore. She is being expunged from my home as I write, even. Not even when my Dad was dying in the cancer shit hole that I can’t drive past to this day without going insane. That’s kind of my update on my life as I cry this week. My Dad wouldn’t be going to her wedding next summer if I was told I was unwelcome, (and of course I’m not involved let alone invited because I’m DEAD). I couldn’t ask the one and only person I felt like I should have been able to speak with, lean on, and be supported by for ANYTHING. He’s humble. And I hope you know Everyone was either a girl or a boy and they would all get married to whatever sex they weren’t themselves (heterosexuality). Just say you won’t let go, I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed More. I’m not a Martyr And it’s on a permanent basis, I’m told. Common sense had never been a strong point for her. Almost no one knows that because of my progressing illness I physically cannot write, causing me to use voice to text which, in my opinion, any Author who goes through a process like I do will tell you is basically not worth a damn thing on the page. Who Want To See My Greatness? I’M NOT embarrassed by this thing, to be clear. Not allowing someone familiar to touch me just because I’ve had it happen to me before and survived. I’m talking about the love of my life (don’t hate me for calling him that LB (if you’re reading this), I know and don’t necessarily disagree with everything you’ve said to me and I love and cherish your support♥️ but it’s where I’m at nevertheless) being gone, and my brain reminiscing about my long lost love. And the irony of posting this on devices to be read by those plugged in is not lost on me. Just think of that, “friend” of my now “I’m dead to her” sister. Yes. And aside from venting through my writing like I do…which is essentially just pure pain being expelled from my emotion mind onto pages or typed on a computer screen, it KILLS me that she hates me as much as I’m about to share with you now. Whambulance party of me. How does it feel to know I don’t want you back? It’s cute and I want to fuel you, I know that’s a bit creepy so before you call the police !, honestly, she didn’t know) it was too late to stop the process. But there’s some light that outshines your gas. Author’s Note: This poem/work was originally written on December 5, 2003. magkasunod na tanong ni Mac. Tell me what the Hell do you know? A Brother who fights me constantly but loves me just as much as he fights. I don’t know. (Just like I haven’t given up on my sister. He has an addictive and cumulative smile. "I'm okay." I attack my body to protect me — us She’s — for all intents and purposes — a family member who removed me SO FAR OUT OF HER LIFE — that I’m experiencing the loss of someone who DIED in my family. I’ll never LET you, Trust me, love And by “me” (stated above) I MEAN not me. Read Chapter 2 from the story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 18,609 reads. My Mom just told me I have a substantial stomach and I feel really horrible about myself because of it. I can picture it now, “just don’t give me anything from this address or name ever again…! I know two very amazing friends who died way too young. She’s incredible and I love her so much ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️). All I can do is provoke. I’m a writer. I’m SO against drawing lines, going so far as to say the LGBTQIA++ community is attempting to hijack the Black Lives Matter movement. It makes be feel lazy But I can AND will LIVE with my trauma and my PTSD. I also can’t go anywhere that matters if I need to use words that make sense alone. I’ve just started being able to go to Doctors as of last week. Do you think it’s normal for someone with suicidal ideation to alienate the people closest to them? Mine That’s awful and I just thought of it right now. Which is why I think she thinks she is so much more enlightened than me. This is where my “dead” sister comes in. I had less than 1/52 weeks of “feeling good” time during this year we called 2019 (so far, anyway ). I’m tired of wanting to tell him so many things all the time but understanding he REALLY doesn’t care about me anymore. As far as I know, my now “I’m dead to her” sister, doesn’t read this blog. I’m tired of feeling everything I feel in any kind of way. I REALLY, SUPER want this space to be a positive experience for my readers. I’m so tired of getting tired too easily. Refilling these. And the sooner the better, because that’s only caused me excruciating nights on the phone with customer service because she downloads all this garbage and keeps passwords or whatever on her phone so the FAMILY account keeps getting hacked. Women with certain features, LIKE Shane and Max from “The L Word” are basically my dream partners for life. !” (Love you, Humpie ❤️.). Be better than me. All Black Lives Matter! Colbie Marie Caillat (born in Newbury Park, California, on May 28, 1985) is an American pop singer-songwriter and guitarist. I lived for my work. Yeah. I miss my friend. And guess how many people died from using marijuana! Come prove to me I’m wrong ’bout what I’m writin’ about Who were counted and now are qualified to kill up close #wattys2020. My heart hurts so much. I CANNOT think of words that I KNOW when being asked WHATEVER by whatever Doctors I talk to/see. They’re the ones in uniform firing bullets again I got “hot” according to all the people I “met.”. Look how we’ve grown I admire her because she makes it EXACTLY as much of everyone’s business as she feels she should. But that’s not going to stop me from hoping one day she becomes a zombie and I’ll see her in whatever form then. Intelligent. To shoot his own daughter. I want to do shout-outs but the number is so low I’d be embarrassed. I ask this of my readers because this situation recently smacked me right in the heart. Then. Don’t ask me to lie, then beg for forgiveness. To decide where they are going to shop, what they’re gonna eat, what movies they are going to watch, everything they ingest.”, “Okay. Not this exactly but my closest friends know she’s my hair inspiration. I’m a proud Snowflake so don’t stop calling me names now I’m so tired of using (sometimes just the suggestion of) sex as a reason for a guy to like me. I told him while tears are flowing down my face. It's still here. 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